Single Life & Relationship Woes!

If you are single and happily single, THIS POST IS NOT FOR YOU!

If you enjoy going to bed alone at every night, THIS POST IS NOT FOR YOU!

If you could live the rest of your life being single, THIS POST IS NOT FOR YOU!

If it doesn’t bother you Being excluded from social circles and events due to your status, THIS POST IS NOT FOR YOU!

Growing old alone without a mate is something you can live with and be at total peace with, THIS POST IS NOT FOR YOU!

If you feel that your higher power has called you to live your life as a single person, THIS POST IS NOT FOR YOU!

  For anyone else, this maybe something you can relate to or benefit from.

Now, let’s talk about being single in a “boo’ed up society. Can we? I only recently remarried for the 2^nd time and I would like to go on record and tell the world, I hated every freaking minute of it! There is nothing about the single that appeals to me. There were so many nights I cried out to God feeling my prayers were being ignored. For years, I struggled with watching many friends and loved ones get married and begin the next phase of their lives while I would question my faith, if God loved me, was I cursed, and when or if it was ever going to happen to me. Some of the most hurtful moments would come when I would be excluded from gatherings, and activities because it was a couple’s event. There was a time I stopped attending one specific church because It was rightfully filled with couples and young families. Talk about hitting rock bottom. Watching the looks and stares of some of the women at church when I would walk into the service, clutching their husband’s arms as if I was Jezebel sent reincarnated to come and devour their husbands was too much to mentally process and bare. I yearned for the day I would be able to spend my weekends with my husband, make future with my husband, plan a new life with my husband, go to bed with my husband, wake up to my husband, make love to my husband and pray with my husband. My spirit was not at rest because I knew I was not destined to be alone, but I found my reality to be stuck in singlehood.

Another disappointing reality to me was church folk and married people. You would think I would have found an enormous amount of support from those sources, but it was quite the opposite. People almost seemed to be offended that a single woman desired to be married and have a husband of her own. They would come up with all these ridiculous excuses as to why God had not answered my prayers, saying:

 1. God was jealous and wanted me all to himself

2.It wasn’t God’s timing

3. He was preparing me

4. Maybe God didn’t want me to have a husband

5. God is punishing you

And the married people seemed to either be dissatisfied with the partner they had chosen or turn their noses up as if I were a pest. It was almost to say, how dare you bother me or the Lord with something so frivolous as wanting a mate.

The few encouraging people in my life would always say put yourself in a position to receive but I never knew exactly where to start or what to do. Slowly my thoughts began to evolve, and I really wanted to leave my pity party and start to enjoy the life I was blessed with, no matter what. I started to feel my way out of my slump and the ideas to improve my quality of life and mind set kept flowing. I have compiled a list that can be of help to any single woman who is finding difficulty in maneuvering through this the single life with the expectation of transitioning into marriage.

1.       Move to an area of town that has an active entertainment district, minimal families, and a high population of singles. For me moving to the Uptown/Downtown area of my city opened a different world.

2.       Find a luxury high rise. Most high rises come with event calendars for the residents and have the resort style living. It’s a great place (if you can ) to start living out your best life with a lifestyle at your fingertips.

3.       Online dating sites. It’s best to enroll in at least two. Remember that you get what you pay for. Statistics have shown that people meeting their spouse in mass numbers online versus years ago.

4.       Revisit and revise your social media presence. It may be time to look at the content that you have shared with selective audiences. When in doubt, delete, erase, and start over. Up your style, your content and limit how much of your personal life you share.

5.       Join various social media groups and be active. It’s a great way to develop healthy dialogs about various topics.

6.       Join meet up groups. If you have interests and have no one to go with for fear of being alone; no worried. There is a meet up group for basically any and everything under the sun. Download the app, answer the questions truthfully about your interest and in no time; you will have more invites and activities to choose from than you can possibly imagine. This is a fantastic way to meet people.

7.       Check out the events calendar for your city or town. Do a google search if needed to find out what is going on in your area and make it a point to go.

8.       Make it a point to try a new activity once a month every month. Expand and explore your hobbies and interest.

9.       Look for specific singles events in your area. Do your due diligence. You owe it to yourself!

10.   Take up some fun classes like pole dancing, Zumba, salsa, line dancing or even swing out lessons

11.   Volunteer at your local charity drives, shelters and food banks.

12.   Start going to happy hour. Be selective and intentional on your location.

13.   Attend the sports venues when possible.  Having a beer, hot dogs and nachos with strangers is one of the best ice breakers of all times. You will find yourself laughing and having a great time without any care outside of the moment.

14.   Car shows are fun and educational. A must attends.

15.   Starbucks! My absolute favorite. I met my husband there.  Starbucks attracts people from all walks of life and is almost always packed with people. Grab a book, magazine, or your laptop and head over to the coffee house. Coffee and conversation with your neighbor at the next table couldn’t hurt.

You absolutely can have your heart’s desire! You don’t have to feel defeated. You don’t have to keep wondering if it will happen for you. No, change “if “ to when and get busy with creating the happy space your mate deserves to enter into. There are tons of other things to do and activities that I can list but the point was made and if this helps anyone, my good deed for today is accomplished.

Blessings!